my effin monument

"..It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, And I need you now. Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now. And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now..."

ahh i love that song so much. Its Lady antebellum's. the music really suits me and the video clip is amazing, i feel so calm whenever i watch it. and theres this hot beard guy, and hes a hunk ;p
anyway, havent been post anything these days, no mood means no post :| its all coming back to me now, the crappy part in life, the not so good part in life, the down part in life, or whatever you call it, im feeling it now tho. theres like a small good part but since the bad is way bigger, i cant even enjoy the good part, but im trying to :] i hate my brain so much its crazy. idk why i just tend to think abt every single thing, i tend to be so hard on myself. thats pretty fuck up.

i hate that i feel so needing sometimes too :'| yes i know, i have my friends and family, but i dont know, im 22, and..hmm this will sound so gay but i feel lonely w/out a guy in my life. i wanna be care of, i wanna be the one that he text constantly, and all that stuff. i sometimes feel so jealous that my friends are in a relationship, but to be thinking of it rationally, theres def a pro and con on each side, and my friends whom are in a relationship, i dont hate u guys, im just feeling abit of jealous sometimes thats all :) im not saying that I NEED A MAN SO MUCH, its just idk, i just wanna be like close to someone. that one particular guy. the one where we can just spill everything, and talk abt everything in life. but im done with guys arnd me. i hafta admit, im so hard to understand, i realized that. and i dont give a shit even if u said im a choosy person or whatever. ive become one and its all you guys fault. as much as i feel so lonely sometimes, i could neverrrr text u, because i hate drama, i hate how sometimes malaysian guys are acting such an asshole. i hate how they think theyre so freaking hot. i hate how they think theyre so popular, i hate that theyre cocky. i hate it so much and im done with it. id rather b spending 20 cents per text rather than 1 cent/7 cents per text. BUT excluded to a few person whom im just not gonna get boring with and i know that the particular person knows me well and hes a malaysian guy for sure :) somehow, things between us arent really work out but still tho, i know hes always with me and thank you for that!